I reached home with a splitting headache after an enormously busy day at work. I threw the bag on the settee and slumped down on the couch and closed my eyes. He didn't seem to have noticed my arrival even and continued to munch on the bowlful of grapes, glued to the TV. An empty coffee cup lay on the table with crumbs of biscuits next to it. I watched him with eyes half open, but he refused to be distracted from the TV which blared away the news of Karnataka based terrorists.

If it were you, you would've walked up to me, put my head on your lap and given me a much needed massage. I sighed. I rose to make myself a hot mug of soup. The thought cheered me a little and I also made up my mind to carry some fruits to work from the next day to munch on the way back and to avoid an empty tummy

I kneaded the dough and the gentle pitter patter of the rain drops against the window panes, the gentle, chilled breeze and the smell of freshly wet earth soothed my senses. He entered the kitchen. I waited. He picked up a glass, filled it with water, gulped it down and left without as much as a word. I sighed again.

If it were you…you would sit on the kitchen platform, munching whatever you could lay your hands on, watching me till I blushed, pull me towards you, dance and whirl me around and sing with your hoarse voice while I giggled like a school girl!

I shrugged off the thought and switched on the radio. "…karne lagi hoon…main boondon se baatein…", I sang along and soon found myself tapping my feet and even did a little jiggle!

A lovely, sunny Sunday morning. I sat on the balcony, sipping hot coffee. I could watch my neighbour bring in a steaming cup for her husband. He received it with a smile and she blushed.

"Kiran, I am leaving. Will be late tonight and will be eating out", he called out. I didn't bother to answer and I heard the door slam shut.

If it were you, I couldn't have imagined a weekend alone. Weekends would be fun, friends, go karting, bowling and resorts!

I finished my cuppa and made up my mind.

 I tickled my daughter out of bed and whispered, "Mummy is going to take you out go-karting and then pizzas! you and I are going to have fuuuunnnn!!". She squealed with delight and hugged me!

It was 5:30 am and the alarm buzzed. I sleepily set it to snooze and reached out to hug my daughter. I suddenly sat up! She was burning with fever. He rose from his side of the bed and got into the bathroom. I rose and checked her temperature and was alarmed…it read 103! I checked the medicine cabinet to find an empty bottle of Crocin. I cursed myself for having forgotten to replenish my stock.  I knocked at the bathroom door and he peeped out, brushing.

"Adi, Hima is running a high temperature. Would you…"

"Kiran, you know I have to catch the 7:00 bus and I have a client …!"he began impatiently, even before I could finish.

"Never mind!", I interrupted. I picked up the car keys and stomped out. My eyes filled with tears and my vision blurred as I drove through the deserted streets that dawn.

If it were you, would you have let me do it? I pulled aside and parked beneath a tree in front of a park and cried my heart out, before picking up the medicines.

Life would've been a lot different if it were you…

But maybe, I would never have learnt how to take care of myself.

Maybe I would never have learnt how to enjoy my own company

Maybe I would never have learnt to find my own happiness

Maybe I would never have discovered the strength I had within me.

Maybe life is all about lessons…maybe that's the reason my life doesn't have you in it.

Hey wait! Don't go away with that "its-all-in-the-mind" optimistic grin on your face. Read on…

"Maybe life is all about lessons…maybe that's the reason my life doesn't have you in it."

That made me feel a lot better and the sun rose over the horizon as I parked my car with a gentle smile playing on my face. There was a spring in my step and a bounce in my gait.

"Life is all about lessons" was the mantra for the day and I chanted it all the way to office.

I passed my colleague’s cubicle on the way to my own and a quote on his white board caught my eye –

"Why does life teach me lessons? I have no interest to learn!"

The smile on my face disappeared, the bouncy gait was replaced with a hunch and I dragged my feet to my desk…to face another lousy day…without you L

Sighhhh…!